your secrets are safe with me.

this is my 100th post.

i never ever thought my habit of blogging would last that long, cux i'm usually a person who pursues things in the heat of the moment and my interests never last long at all ( unless i'm forced to)

but yes, this (probably) marks the beginning of a more mature me, perhaps?

i don't know

i've been thinking about my friends and my friendship with them and it's really getting complicated. friendships really matter a lot and i put an effort into maintaining them, but sometimes i think, is it worth it to go through so much trouble just to maintain these friendships when it's not as valuable they are to them as they are to me?

And are friendships truly unconditonal? there may be, but both parties need to be giving this unconditional love at the same time. for if there isn't any reciprocal of niceness(not hypocrisy) in any one party, i don't think there is any way to have a friendship, let alone maintain one. or rather, i can't, cux it's just too difficult for me.

maybe that's why im struggling with the fact that i may not matter to them, but they matter to me too much for my own comfort.